What is a Church Going Atheist?

I don’t know.

That is the thing I’m trying to figure out. It is how I currently identify myself, but I’m not sure how to begin to define what it means. And I’d rather not start drawing lines on where I stand on this or how I feel about that. I have decided to stop keeping it all inside and start talking about it.

I am a doubter at heart. I believe doubt is a good thing. It challenges ideas and thoughts and all that is believed to be true. It move us forward and helps growth to occur. It also frightens a lot of folks. Doubting gets a bad rap. Look at Thomas. Doubting Thomas.

Thomas was one of twelve guys close to Jesus. The story goes that after Jesus came back from the dead, he appeared to the disciples. Thomas wasn’t there when this happened. Afterward they tell Thomas they “have seen the Lord!” He didn’t believe them. He tells them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.”

His side refers to the spear the Romans jammed into Jesus on the cross. I love that. He, Thomas, wants to stick his fingers into his side. Into the wound.

If you see a cut on someone you don’t need to touch it to know it is real and that it hurts, right? Imagine sticking your fingers into it. That’s me. At least on all this God stuff. I want to poke around and really see what it is all about. Is this real? Did it happen?

So that is me now. I don’t believe it. But come here and let me take a closer look.

~ by bart on December 27, 2007.